Online Dating Experience

Man. Online dating is pretty stupid. Lol.

I started a profile on plentyoffish.com because I don't have an opportunity to get out of the house enough to meet new people. Online dating is a way to get around that. The problem is weeding out the losers, the socially inept, and the Craigslist killers. I guess in this case, they'd be the POF killers.

One thing I noticed is how fast these men are trying to go, regardless of what they say and how they try to come off. A 40-year-old guy messaged me three times. On the third, he gave me his number. Trying to keep an open mind, I text him. After three texts, he wants to meet in person the next day. I'm going classify him as a POFK, a POF Killer. Lol. Three texts does not mean I want or feel comfortable meeting you. Sorry.

Another thing is that EVERY male profile has the phrase "hang out" on it. Let's get one thing straight. Friends "hang out". when friends "hang out" they do not cuddle. They do not kiss, f*ck, talk dirty to each other, etc. Girlfriends hang out with their boyfriends and boyfriends hang out with their girlfriends. They can kiss and do whatever in the sanctity of their relationship. People that don't really know each other, but think they may one day take something to the next level DATE! Online daters need to realize that when they are meeting these people and getting to know them that the safest place is either behind a computer or in a PUBLIC place with tons of people around. Of course, if you like the person, you want to meet them in person.

This is the way I am doing things. It's going to vary, of course, because of how connected certain people are and how people communicate with one another.

1. I message these guys a lot to get a feel of them.
2. If I think I can trust them and they don't ask super personal questions, I let them add me on Facebook. Facebook statuses can say a lot about a person. This is still a way for me to feel them out.
3. If they're awesome and still not asking where you live or who you hang out with (this is assuming that you have NO ties to this person), then the number is ok to give out. Preferrably when the MAN asks for it or gives his. I like the asking part because he would have to get a hold of you first.
4. Text or talk on the phone for one to two weeks. This all depends on scheduling and communication. You have to feel like the time is right before moving to the second step, but always be weary.
5. Go on a DATE with them. It's called online DATING for a reason. It's not called online hanging out. That's a chat room. Make sure the place is very public, like a busy restaurant on the weekend or a coffee house or even a library would be cute (libraries have cameras).
6. Keep going on dates until the both of you think that it is time to take things to the next level. At this point is when you need to be in a defined relationship. I can't give a time frame for this because when you know, you just know. Make sure this is a monogamus relationship.
NOTE: This is when you can have sex. Oral sex counts as sex and should not be done until a monogamus relationship as well.

From there, I can't give time frames because some relationships work out and some don't. However, I do know that if you're ready to marry, but you're partner isn't, then you need to get back on the market, fast. Don't waste your time with something that may not happen. I'm talking 9 months. A 9 month relationship is the average.

I do not want to hear you gripe about your ex. I don't want to know about their anatomies. I don't want to know about the sex. In fact, don't sext me until we're engaged. Don't ask about my boobs right off.

One guy asked "If your right leg is Christmas and your left is Easter, can I spend time between the holidays?"
I said, "Hell no." and haven't heard from him since =P Talk about loser weeding.

I actually had to block a few guys that I wasn't interested in. I mean, I'm a nice chick, but I'm sorry. I can't be with someone who is a cook at a fast food place. I need someone a little more accomplished and probably a little older.

I think I have met three decent guys. One is a little older and just plain cool. He knows the importance of not over-communicating. One is about 6 years older. He hasn't had much dating experience and I think that I would be an excellent teacher. The last is just plain amazing. I havent been texting him yet, but we share a love of the arts: tv, movies, music, comedy. He have very very many things in common. It's like I can be myself and not really get to know him. I guess easy would be the term.

I'm Glad I Never Had a Sister

My mom and I have enough drama between each other. She never had a sister either.

Unfortunately, I inherited a certain bad habit from her. We both just say things to people to see what they will say. If it works in our favor, then great! But we differ when it comes to when we get a reaction we don't want. I tell people "I'm just kidding. I just wanted to see what you would say." She does not admit this and continues to argue with the person or just go on like she never said it, then it's left ingrained in your brain.

Unbeknownst to me, she did this A LOT throughout my life. I always thought she was serious until I figured out what she was doing last week. She's the one who told me that my ex & his girlfriend weren't together anymore. I didn't really give her the reaction she expected and she just went on. Later that week, she said she only told it to me to see my reaction. I caught her doing this several times up until now.

I finally confronted her about it today.

I was telling my brother something stupid and totally not true. It was something like "Nathan, you're allergic to cheese. You have seizures then don't remember it." He knows it's false.

She was like "Why would you say something like that?"

I said, "Just to get a reaction from him. He knows it's totally not true. I got that from you."

Then we got into how she's done that with every boyfriend I've ever had. She always says, "Well, he's probably got another girlfriend" when plans fall through.

This is one reason I don't want to date right now. It's relationship sabotage.

This doesn't make her a bad mom. It just means she hasn't been very fulfilling in the social advice area of being a mom. She does it with my friends, too. It really makes me feel suspicious & socially inadequate.

I'm ready to move. Not because I don't love her, but because I hate having a sister.

I Choose Family Over Friends

I'm in a tough spot.

I got pregnant in September. In November, my best friend and my brother started dating. I know it's pretty cliché to say, but we really were like sisters. How weird is this... Especially when we talk about who we've been "with" and other very personal details. (Good thing she knew I wasn't down for discussing the new sex life.)

As I got bigger, I, of course, got tired & puffy and didn't feel like doing much & her & my brother got closer & closer or she got bored of me. I'm not sure which one won that out. I thought that maybe when I had my son, things would be different. I thought we'd get on as usual.

My son was born disabled, so I have to stay home with him a lot. We've done a few things together since May, but not much & it's always been on my suggestion. If you think about it, the only difference between friendship & dating when you're older is the sexual attraction. With that said, it should be understood that when you're not invited to do anything, then the party is just not interested.

She has also, within the last year, become "best friends" (as she calls it) with a local lesbian.

Within the last week, things have become difficult  between her & my brother. From what I understand, she told him he needed a therapist. He saw one & got on meds, but since then, she's needed her space or whatever. Me and her both know what that means without even communicating. It's over.

She was my best friend before they got together, but I'm so worried about my brother's well-being...

I think I'm going to have to finally choose my brother. I tried to stay out of it, but I don't think it's going to be possible.