Christmas

I must say, the day wasn't as bad as it started. Mom just had to wake us up at 8 am. It was relatively decent and stress-free. That's rare for me. No catastrophe. No disappointment.

One of my grandmas came over and spent a few hours with us. She seemed depressed. Her most recent husband passed away two weeks ago from a cancer started in the colon that spread all over his body. My heart goes out to her. I have only felt a fraction of what she's going through. I have been through a lot, but I have been blessed to only have to deal with few deaths.

I have to take my son to see his dad tomorrow.

I took him to see some relatives that were in from another state. My aunt had a child with cerebral palsy who died around 18 months old. From what I understand, he had either a massive seizure or choked on his saliva... or both.

I walk in the room & I start getting my son situated. Everyone is crowded around, watching. Talk about pressure.

I get him out of his carseat & my aunt starts crying.

A little bit later, she stops & by this time, she can't stand herself; she has to see more of him. I let her hold him & it was like she was in a trance. I would have let her keep holding him if it hadn't been his feeding time.

She was kinda detached for the rest of the night. I don't know if that's because that's how she usually is, or if it was my son reminding her of her son...

There are just some situations for which there are no words that fit.